Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
