i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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