dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
