haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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