God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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