U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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