ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
