I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
