I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
