Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
