fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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