The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
