his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
