so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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