last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
