i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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