May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
