We're like a lot better than the average bears
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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