I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
