I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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