Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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