I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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