P.S. I can't hear my feet
This house was built for laser tag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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