I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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