is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
