i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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