She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
