A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
