Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
