Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
