Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
