no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
