you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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