Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
