I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
