Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
