I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
