Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We need to rekindle our bromance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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