He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
