Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
