I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
