Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
