im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
