they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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