Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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