I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
