Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
