It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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