i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
