Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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