Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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