im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
